There's a reason they call it "Family" Practice...

As you've probably gathered from my previous posts, the biggest stressor in my life right now is navigating through medical school.  There's not a day, or a minute for that matter, that I don't worry about it.  Questions pop up in my brain constantly like, "Am I ever going to graduate?", "Am I cut out to be a doctor?", "Will I lose my sanity before I actually become a doctor?", "Have I already gone crazy?"... those kinds of things.
Well I went to the gym this morning to not only distract myself from my inner-thoughts, but to train for my upcoming 5k.  Got a good 3 miles clocked in on the treadmill, and then headed home and hopped in the shower.  And while I was lathering myself up with some Dove body wash I had a moment of clarity.  I had mentally and emotionally committed myself in that very moment to go into Family Practice. Now to the average person who was smart enough to avoid med school all together, this may seem like nothing.  But for me, it's kind of a big deal.
When I first started school I "knew" I wanted to be an anesthesiologist.  Well, after hating my surgery rotation and realizing that I'd be stuck in a cold OR with some stuck up surgeon who makes fun of you all day, I decided to change gears.  Then I really got into doing Emergency Medicine.  I love doing procedures and thought it was great that you see all kinds of things, but then I spent a month in Worcester..... And since I also hate psychiatry, and at least half of people who show up in the ER have lost their marbles, I have started to question my second choice of specialty.
From the beginning I have always said that I would never do family practice (FP).  I thought it was boring, underpaid, and unrewarding (only one of those things is really true). Then I spent six weeks during my third year doing FP with an amazingly kind physician, Dr. Doane.  By the end of my rotation, most of my preconceived notions about FP were gone.  The only downside is that I didn't get to do all the cool procedures I enjoy so much like intubation, suturing, lumbar punctures.  But I truly enjoyed having time to build a relationship with the patients and actually follow through with their care.
I think the best way to pick your specialty is to eliminate all the ones you hated rotating through- Psych was the top of my list, then surgery. I liked OB and delivering babies was awesome, but hated the surgery part of it.  Pediatrics was fun, but detrimental to my health since I got sick twice on that rotation.  And though I still enjoy emergency medicine, I just don't think it's where I want to start my career.  Probably not a good idea to get burnt out and sick of medicine in general by the end of my first year of residency.  I want to have some fulfillment with my job and come home knowing that as a doctor I am an important part of my patients' lives, not just some random person who stitched them up and sent them on their way.

Most importantly, I want to be here for my family.  I made a commitment to them first and foremost.  And although I know they will support me no matter what specialty I choose, it's not fair to them to pick one that's going to take me away from them more and burn me out and make me miserable and tired.  I am determined to be not only a good doctor, but to be an even better mother and wife.  I guess you can say I want to do it all, and I'm sure I can do it.