Baby Mama Med School Drama

I've been scouring the internet trying to find articles or blogs about women who've had a baby while in medical school.  Trust me when I say that there were few and far between.  There were quite a few on women who've already had kids going into med school, and the few articles I actually found were not very uplifting or encouraging.  I stumbled on a forum or two of women asking if it's even possible to get pregnant in med school (as if they lace the water with birth control or something).

That's when I found this one girl's blog..... she wrote about her trials and tribulations navigating through life as a medical student.  On one particular post she asked the question of when would be the best time to have children on your path to becoming a doctor.  She was describing how a club at her school put on a forum of physicians who have had children either while in school or residency and they did a Q&A on what their experiences were like.  The blogger said that she was basically scared out of her mind afterwards because a woman on the panel broke down hysterically crying because she had to give up her dream of being a Cardiologist for a less demanding specialty after she had a child.

She also went on the say how all the other panelists just tried to persuade the crowd not to ever have kids until you're an attending, and that you will not succeed in medicine if you get pregnant in med school or residency. The blogger then came to the conclusion that even though she was single and didn't plan on having children anytime soon, she was going to do everything in her power not to get pregnant until after her residency.

When I got pregnant a few months into my third year of medical school I felt like people looked at me as if I was a leper. Gasp! A woman dared to do what is biologically natural to her and have a child. Gasp again! And put her family before her career!!! How dare she? So naturally most of the doctors I worked with made comments like this: "Wow, bet you weren't planning that." or "That's an accident you probably didn't want to happen." They of course were even more shocked when I told them I did it on purpose :)

I know people say all the time that there's never a good time to have kids. The saying holds even more truth when it comes to being a med student. Sure you can wait till residency, but then you're working the hardest hours of your life and will probably only get a few weeks off for maternity leave. You could wait until you're an attending, but I mean how old do you really want to be before you start having kids? You certainly don't want people mistaking you for Grandma (I've done that to someone.  I was totally embarrassed and apologized profusely).

8 months pregnant at my baby shower!

I guess it was just common sense to me that if I wanted to start my family, then doing it now was better than later. Hey, I already got married while in school (Note: Try to avoid planning a wedding so close to studying for boards. Not a good idea.). So why not have a baby? My husband and I knew we wanted a child and weren't exactly "trying" but decided to stop "preventing" it and just see where it goes. We were shocked to find out how quickly it all happened. One month to be exact. But it worked out perfectly since I was due right at the end of my third year.

There's a lot of pluses to choosing to get knocked up while still in school....
1. You can take as much time as you want off. There were a few girls in my class that got pregnant and they all took varying times off. One girl just missed a six week core rotation during third year and then started back up again. Another took a whole year off. I took six months off and now I'm spreading 4th year out over a year and a half, giving me time in between rotations to study for boards or travel for interviews. Not saying this will work for everyone, but I think I got a pretty sweet deal out of it.

2. You're not looked down upon nearly as bad as if you're a resident. Right now you're just in school, but in residency you're actually working for someone. And that someone is going to either hire you as an attending or recommend/not recommend you as an attending elsewhere. Plus you're probably not working as many hours or have the same expectations as if you're a resident. And if you keep up with your reading enough so that you don't make a total fool of yourself while getting pimped*, then you'll be ok.

My fellow students & I at the end of third year.

3. In residency interviews you have a great answer if you're asked how being a parent influences you as a doctor. You can just smile and say, "I think it's important as a physician to know how to balance your priorities. Most people wait to after school to get married or have kids, but then all they've done is focus on medicine. I've managed to juggle being a med student, a wife, and a mother and be successful in all areas. A talent I think most other students have yet to prove."

Now I'm not saying there's aren't any downsides. For one, money is and always will be an issue. Well, I guess it depends on what your spouse does. If he runs a multi-million dollar company, then I'm sure you're not worried about it. But if you're like me and you're husband just finished grad school and just started his career (and started getting his student loan bills), then things will be a little tight. So you just cut back in some areas and maybe clip a few more coupons. Oh well.

Another disadvantage that I'm dealing with right now is doing my fourth year rotations. I've been lucky enough to set up my first few within good driving distance of home. Even though my first one was an hour and a half drive each way, I still got to come home at night to my family. Unfortunately, I'm going to have to set up a few that aren't within driving distance. Which means I'll be spending some time away from my boys. I have to admit, I'm not ready for that yet but I don't really have a choice.

Lastly, you really can't control where you'll be for residency. Yeah, you can work your hardest to do well and interview well and try to get your top pick in the match. But for all I know, I may end up in Pennsylvania or northern Maine! Which means we'd have to uproot and move away from our family. Even though it's only for a few years, it means my husband leaving his great new job and not having instant childcare across the street. But like I said... it's only a few years.

So for those pondering whether or not it's possible to have a baby and be a doctor, I hope I gave you some good insight. Please don't put it on the back burner out of fear, because you may regret it in the end. It's definitely a challenge, but it's the most amazing experience of my life. You shouldn't deny yourself a family because you don't want to look like a less dedicated med student. When you're done school, what are you going to have besides a job? When people ask me why I had a baby during med school, I simply say this: "Being a doctor is my career, but my family is my life."

*Pimped- Getting asked an onslaught of ridiculously hard questions by the attending physician, testing the absolute minutia details of medicine. A way for them to put you in your place as a med student and make you feel like an idiot.