Med School & Matrimony

I just read another fellow medical student's blog about their thoughts on being married and in medical school. It was quite fitting considering a discussion I had with my husband this morning while going for a walk. We were talking about how we couldn't believe how far we've come since we first started school, and how in less than just nine months I'll finally graduate and be a doctor. It's been such an incredible journey and I think that without my hubby (and now a little boy), I would have gone down a totally different path. Not necessarily any worse or any better. Just not the same.

When I first started med school, my then "boyfriend" and I had lived together for about a year. Only about two months into school he proposed. We married the summer after I finished second year just after I took my first step of my board exams (note to fellow med students: I do not recommend trying to plan a wedding and take a very stressful board exam at the same time). I didn't even think twice about getting married while in med school. My husband has been my biggest supporter and always encouraging me, so of course getting married just seemed right.

The fact that my husband was also in grad school at the time and experiencing the same trials and tribulations as me, helped us grow closer and lean on each other for support. We'd both come home after a long day of classes, buckle down and study, then head to bed only to do it all over again the next day. And the one thing we agreed upon was that we'd have a little "us" time on the weekends (unless there was a huge test coming up the next week, in which case we'd spend a bit more time studying). I think that's why so many people in my school ended up dating and later getting engaged or married. Having someone who can share in your experience during such a stressful period definitely makes you feel like you're not alone.

I never could have foreseen where I'd be now when I first started school. Who'd have thought that in the last four years I'd have gotten married and had a baby all while making it through med school? And I can't help but wonder if I wasn't a wife and a mom, would I still be choosing to be a family practitioner? Or would I have picked a field that was more demanding of my time and more competitive? I guess it doesn't really matter because the point is, that I'm happy where I'm at today. More than happy actually, I'm ecstatic! I am so blessed with an amazing family, and I'm about to start a career as a doctor doing something I'm so proud of and truly enjoy doing. It's funny how life just kind of leads you where you never knew you were meant to be.

An Ode to the Working Mom

Today I've officially gained a new appreciation for the working mother. I also have much admiration for the stay-at-home mom, but they are lucky enough not to have to experience the emotional turmoil that goes along with being away from your kid all day. It's a tough thing to balance, being a mom and having a career. On one hand you want to work and earn money for your family, but on the other hand you have this overwhelming "mommy guilt". It's heartbreaking only getting to spend a few hours with your child when you come home. 

Today I got up at six am. Showered and got dressed. Packed my lunch. Made coffee, which the sound of the coffee grinder woke up Killian. Made breakfast (if you call a blueberry bagel an appropriate breakfast). Kissed my husband and my child. Then I ran out the door, with my now cold blueberry bagel in hand. I drove an hour to work. Saw back to back patients all day until 6:30. Drove an hour home.

So it's 7:30 pm and I finally get to see my little man. By now it's late and he's getting tired. So all I really have time to do is give him a bath, put his pj's on, brush his teeth, give him his milk, and read him a bedtime story. Usually I just put him right in his crib after story time's over, but I snuggled him for a few minutes longer because I just missed him so much. 

I spent 10 hours taking care of other people today and only about one and a half hours taking care of my little boy. I can't help but feel like I'm lacking in the mommy department. I don't know how all the working moms out there do it. I guess what helps me is that I love what I do. I'm proud of my work. I enjoy my work. Not everyone can say that. A lot of people don't like their jobs and just do it for the money. I want to be a doctor because I get a sense of accomplishment and satisfaction knowing that I'm helping other people. 

I can't forget to give credit to the working dads out there too, particularly my wonderful husband. He watches Killian during the day and then works in the evening a couple days a week and on the weekends. I'm so grateful to have married a man who is such a good father and works so hard to to take care of our son and works to support our family. Right now with both of our busy schedules, I'm surprised we've even managed to make it work.

Let's face it, being a parent is hard. You want so badly to do what's best for your child, and I think that for every family it's different. For us, it's working to support our family. Then the time that we do have together, we just have to make the most of it. It's not how much time you have, it's what you do with your time. I just have to keep reminding myself of that those days that I feel overcome with mommy guilt. And for all you working moms out there, thank you for being an inspiration to me.

Trust me, I'm (almost) a doctor!

This past week I started my first official sub-I. For those of you who don't know what that is, it's a clinical clerkship you do as a fourth year medical student where you basically work like you're an intern (aka: first year resident) and try to "show-off" your awesome skills and talent as a future physician. They are also referred to as "showcase rotations" for that reason. And hopefully the physicians, residents, and residency director like you enough so that when you apply and later interview at their program, they remembered how great you were during your sub-I that they want you to work for them.

So as I said, this is my first of a couple sub-I's that I'll be doing in Family Medicine. And I have to say I am having a blast! As much as I loved having time off this summer, I forgot how much I missed seeing patients. More specifically, the feeling I get coming home and knowing that I did something to better a person's quality of life. This week has been amazing. I got to see such a wide variety of patients from pregnant women to children to college folks to the elderly. And I got to do basically everything! Joint injections, some osteopathic manipulation, PAP smears, and even counseling an anorexic patient. That's what's so great about being a family practitioner. You literally get to experience the whole spectrum of medicine.

I have to say, though, I've also realized this week how much becoming a mother has changed how I practice and the level at which I can relate to my patients. The handful of OB patients I had, I felt like because I've been in their shoes that I could better explain to them what to expect and care for them with a different kind of empathy than others. I also had a couple women come in for post-partum visits, where I either gave them options and advice on contraception and family planning, talked to them about post-partum depression, and just chatted about how much life has changed being a mom. All things I could talk about before, but having gone through it all myself I feel like I can build a better relationship with my patients. It's one of those "you're not alone" things.

I know it's only been a week, but I can already tell that I made the right decision deciding to going into family practice. I feel like I just fit. Like putting on the perfect pair of shoes that are not only stylish but comfortable. I can see my future and I love it!

One Step Closer

I survived my Step 2 board exams. Weeks of studying, 400 questions, and eight hours later.... I'm still alive. I won't know for a few weeks if I passed or not. The thing is, I don't just want to pass. I want to do well so that I have an edge going into the residency application & interview process. So we'll see. I'm confident that all the hard work and effort I put in will pay off. 

In the mean time I bought a killer suit for the upcoming interview season. I start my first showcase rotation on Monday. So I figured just in case I get asked if I wanted to interview while I'm there, I better be prepared. I'm a strong believer in the idea that you need to dress to impress, which is hopefully what a $400 suit from Banana Republic will do. 

I've also been working on finishing up my residency application. I've had to write a personal statement, which is a page-long essay of sorts talking about why you chose to pursue the field you chose, as well as bragging a bit about what makes you an awesome doctor. It's actually not a very easy task writing about yourself. I'd like to think that writing this blog for the last few months has helped me refine my writing skills. 

Well, that's where I'm at right now. It's been such a relief to get my board exam out of the way, but now it's just onto another obstacle to tackle (meaning my residency application), then it'll be interviews, all while doing Sub-Interships in family medicine. Oh yeah, I have to be a wife and a mother too! Should be an interesting next few months. Naturally, I'll keep you updated :)

Picture Perfect

I recently had Killian's one year pictures done by an amazing photographer, Alyssa Proia. I can't even tell you how happy I am with how them came out, so I'll just show you:

This little boy just melts my heart. I can honestly say that my life wouldn't be complete without him. He has become our world. We are so very blessed.

I think I can, I think I can

Three days until my boards..... which is why I haven't been real chatty recently. This has pretty much been my life:

Coffe, study materials, and my computer (for online question banks and periodically checking facebook).

I've turned into a zombie. I've even gone as far as to bring my study materials to the gym. My very understanding and compassionate husband quizzes me throughout the day. The only time I'm not studying is when I'm taking care of the little man, who is absolutely opposed to me doing anything but paying attention to him.

I promise to be a more active participant of my blog after Monday. And a week after that I start a new rotation, so I'll have loads more to talk about. That's if I survive my test..... Wish me luck!

P.S.
9 months and 2 weeks until graduation. Holy cow!!!