Dear Family and Friends....

My dear family and friends,

Please understand that residency is hard. I love being a doctor and it's what I've wanted to be since I was six years old. But that doesn't mean that every day is fun and easy. I work 12 hour days, sometimes longer. And in those long hours I do more than just see kids in the office with strep throat or adjust patient's blood pressure medications. I not only have to take care of patients in clinic, but I see patients in the hospital. I take care of people who are really sick and dying, and then I have to tell their families that their loved one is dying. I have to make important decisions about which antibiotics to give someone who's septic. I have to closely monitor their kidney function. I have to manage their laundry list of medications. I have to inform patients that they have cancer. I make life and death decisions on their behalf, including deciding when to stop treatment and let them die.

On top of all that, I'm responsible to for answering phone calls from patients. I have to refill their medications. I send out referrals. I call other specialists to talk about their care. I type up letters to inform them of their test resulst. So when I'm working in the hospital delivering babies or in the ICU, I still have to be responsible for my dozens of clinic patients. And in between all of that I'm actually expected to read and learn more stuff (as if medical school wasn't enough). This involves me going as far as looking up medication dosages on my iphone while on the toilet when I have two minutes to actually go to the bathroom, and attending lectures during lunchtime. So even when I get to eat, I have to listen to a lecture about hemorrhoids and anal fissures.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that as much as you think you know what I do for a living, I feel like you never really know. This is why I'm telling you all this. Because my job not only is physically demanding and exhausting, but it takes an emotional tole on me. And then I come home and have to be a wife, mother, daughter, and friend.... which certainly isn't any easier. So please forgive me for those days that I come home later than usual, or if I don't answer your phone calls for weeks on end, or if I can't go to that family function that everyone else is at. It's not that I don't want to see you or talk to you. It's that I'm a resident. My time is not my own. I have hundreds of patients that I will see and be responsible for throughout residency, and it's a big responsibility.

Just know that I appreciate all your support, but please try to understand that these next three years are probably going to be the toughest of my life and I'm probably going to need you more than ever (even if it's just to listen).

Love,
Maria