Don't Give Me No Lines and Keep Your Hands to Yourself

As it gets closer to the day that my little man turns one, I've been looking back over all that's happened over the past year. I'll have a more sentimental post next week about how amazing this last 12 months has been. In the meantime, I think I'll write about some annoying things I've encountered being a mom. Oh come on! I know what you're thinking. This isn't a baby-bashing post. I'm talking about how OTHER people annoy me now that I'm a mom.

This is a real sign you can buy online
for your baby carrier.

Nothing attracts pesky strangers more than a baby. And nothing makes a mother more freaked out than strangers. They come up to you at restaurants, in the grocery store, at Target.... They are everywhere!! And they wouldn't be a problem if they didn't come up to your baby and touch his hands or face with their dirty, germy hands. I got so angry one day I thought about making a sign to put on the car seat telling people to keep their hands off! And no matter how politely you'd ask someone not to touch, they would get so offended and think I was a crazy overprotective mom (which I was, but I wasn't that bad).  Even pre-baby I knew it was unacceptable to intrude on someone's newborn like that. It's just common sense.

On top of the strangers implanting strains of Strep and Staph all over my child, they would always ask intrusive and annoying questions. The number one thing people would say is, "How's he sleeping?" Well, how do you think he's sleeping lady? He's a baby! He wakes up at various times in the middle of the night as hungry as a wolf. Then you've got the people who ask, "Are you breastfeeding? How's that going?" Well, to tell you the truth... my nipples are cracked and bleeding and it's painful as hell, but thanks for asking!

Another thing that totally ticked me off, and actually still does to this day, is people commenting on Killian's size. If I had a dollar for every time someone said, "Whoa! He's a big boy!" It's almost like they would say it accusingly, like I was feeding my 6 month old steak and potatoes for dinner. I used to just smile and shrug it off. Then I started coming up with witty comments like, "Must be that nutritious breast milk he gets." Especially now when people tell me he looks "way too big" to only be a year old, I just say, "He's in the 60th percentile for his age. So actually, he's pretty normal."

Not only does everyone have a comment about your child's size, whether they think he/she is a giant or a peanut, but they also have some opinion about their milestones. "Is he crawling yet? No? Oh really? My aunt's cousin's fourth child started crawling at 3 months." Well good for your distant relative. Maybe they'll win an olympic medal for that some day. Sometimes you have to remember that every baby is different and some just progress faster than others. It's hard, but you can't always compare your child to others.

By far the worst thing people do is try to narrate what they believe your child is saying. I have nothing more to say on that except that it's one of my biggest peeves. It's even more annoying when people do it to passive aggressively try to tell you how to parent your child. Case in point: Annoying person pretending to speak for Killian: "Hey mom! I need a new diaper!" Don't you think I can tell when my kid needs to be changed? Really? I have a better idea... how about you do it? Thanks!

I could probably go on and on, but I'll spare you. You probably think I'm an agoraphobe the way I've complained about being in public around people with my child. The truth is, I love taking him out of the house. And I'm not nearly as psychotic as I was when he was just a few months old. I'm still polite when strangers come up and talk to us. I'll never get sick of hearing people tell me how cute my little guy is or how well behaved he is. If there's anything I learned, it's just to take everything with a grain of salt and always carry hand sanitizer.

Is there anything that people do that annoys you when it comes to your child?