Come Fly with Me....

Well, I'm sitting at the airport waiting to board my flight to Philadelphia so I can take my final board exam of my med school career. I've only ever flown by myself once before and that was going to an AMA conference, but happened to have someone I knew from my school on the flight. I usually get nervous about flying, and even more so now that I'm alone. To top it all off, I'm going on one of those smaller kinds of planes, which just give me the hibee jibees. They usually make all these scary noises, and the landings are never as pretty as a big Boeing jet.

I remember flying to Ireland for my honeymoon and we had to take a small plane to New Jersey before hoping on the long flight to Limerick.  I vomited right after getting off the plane in NJ. Partly because the decent was so rough, but also from my nerves. I just don't like to fly. It's not natural for a billion-pound hunk of metal to defy gravity and fly at the speed of light. NOT NORMAL. But flying to me is better than the alternative, which would be to make a 12 hour drive. And considering I have to miss two days of my clinical rotation to do this thing, the less travel time the better.

The most exciting part to me is getting to stay in a fancy smancy hotel. I LOVE hotels. I would live in one if I could. From the freshly made bed to the bright and shiny bathrooms, hotels just make me feel luxurious (well, I guess it all depends on the actual hotel you stay in). I got a sweet deal where I get dinner and breakfast included in my stay, so I don't have to venture around a city I don't know too well to scrounge for food. Plus I need to actually spend some time preparing for my exam, which I just started to get nervous about. So wish me luck!

Life is Good :)

I cannot believe how fast everything is going by. I just finished my first week of a very important showcase rotation. The anxiety of the first day at a new hospital where you don't know anyone is so stressful, but at the same time I was so excited. I think the more rotations I do, the more comfortable and confident I am. I can only hope that the physicians, and most importantly the residency director, see that. It feels so good to get to do something you truly love doing and get so much fulfillment out of. I feel very lucky coming home each day knowing that I'm doing what I know I was meant to do.

This week really was a hodge podge of all kinds of patients. I got to counsel a patient with new onset diabetes and map out a care plan for him. I also spent a good amount of time doing physicals, which is paramount to family practice. If you can do a thorough physical in a timely manner, then you're golden. I did a morning of maternal-child health, which I got to round on newborn babies and their moms, as well as some sick children in the hospital. I was assigned to a child with an asthma exacerbation that just wasn't getting much better on the current treatment regimen. And being a medical student, the doctors like to give you a lot time to examine the patient, doing your charting, and do some research. So I got to really learn a lot about asthma management in a pediatric patient.

One of my favorite things to do is well-child-checks, which I got my fair share of this week. I saw a lot of infants, which I used to be kind of nervous seeing babies but have grown quite comfortable with it recently. I think now that I'm a mom, I can totally relate to the parents and try to make them feel more comfortable. Also, I've become great at going through developmental milestones since I just try to think back at what Killian was doing at certain ages. I know each kid's different, but it's nice to have my own little model at home to learn from. I was able to talk about the new car seat recommendations with a young mom, and talk about post-partum depression with another. It felt awesome being able to help fellow moms like myself.

I'm having such a great time on my rotation, but unfortunately it has to get interrupted next week to fly down to Pennsylvania to take my COMLEX PE exam. Yes, another test! This one I have to see 12 pseudo-patients, only having 14 minutes to get a history and examine them. Then you get 9 minutes to write a note on them. Seriously? 14 minutes?! I challenge you to time how long your doctor spends in the room with you, and I bet it's a lot longer than 14 minutes. Despite most "acute" visits only getting scheduled for 15 minutes, most doctors take longer than that, which is why they're always running behind! But it's not like a buzzer goes off at that 15 minute mark and they dart out of the room without finishing parts of their exam or discussing treatment options. So the idea of being timed seems pretty unrealistic to me.

So this will be my official LAST exam of my med school career. After today, it's just rotations, interviews, the match, and finally graduation (which is eight months away in case you were wondering). Oh, and by the way, I just found out today that I passed my COMLEX written exam that I took a few weeks ago! One step closer to finally being a "real" doctor.

"Real" Housewives

It was a momentous week here in my household. We have officially gotten cable! Yes, cable television. Since we moved into our place a year and three months ago, we have not had cable TV. We were on a tight budget and decided that spending a ridiculous $80/month wash just not worth it. So we got Netflix instead, which sufficed until I literally watched every episode of Grey's Anatomy, Brothers & Sisters, Rescue me, Crank Yankers, Friday Night Lights.... you get the picture.

Well, since the blessed day we had cable installed I have been GLUED to my couch (during the hours Killian when is sleeping or napping). Boy have I missed TV, particularly the wonderfully trashy "reality" shows. And just my luck, there was an all day marathon of Real Housewives of New Jersey on this weekend. Naturally, I had to catch up on this season! As much as I find it so entertaining that these ridiculously rich women are making fools of themselves, I can't help but get so irritated.

First of all, the title of the show is a complete lie. This women aren't "Real", they're about as fake as Pamela Anderson's breasts. I'm no housewife, but I'm pretty sure being a housewife entails some actual housework.... like doing laundry, dishes, making dinner, and actually taking care of your own children. It's hard work! These women on the show wouldn't know the difference between a Swiffer and a Mr. Clean magic eraser. One particular housewife, who was publishing a cookbook of her mother's italian recipes, didn't even know what cumen was. She even pronounced it "come-in". Seriously? Not to mention there's never a moment on the show where you actually see these women participating in the care of their kids. They literally just spend their time buying overpriced trashy clothes, attending extravagant parties, and fighting with each other. Drama, drama, drama!

It makes me so sad that these are the role models we have on TV. And the fact that these women are now made famous and even more rich because of it is killing me! There are thousands of women who are housewives, homemakers, stay-at-home moms who actually do something that is honorable and productive. And these women just make a mockery of it. I can only hope that when they look back on these episodes they realize how self-absorbed and ignorant they appear, and hopefully will change for the better because of it.

In the meantime, I'll stick to watching my fake medical shows and other great shows like 30 Rock and The Office. And if I ever feel like watching a show about a "real" housewife, I'll check out some I Love Lucy re-runs.

Med School & Matrimony

I just read another fellow medical student's blog about their thoughts on being married and in medical school. It was quite fitting considering a discussion I had with my husband this morning while going for a walk. We were talking about how we couldn't believe how far we've come since we first started school, and how in less than just nine months I'll finally graduate and be a doctor. It's been such an incredible journey and I think that without my hubby (and now a little boy), I would have gone down a totally different path. Not necessarily any worse or any better. Just not the same.

When I first started med school, my then "boyfriend" and I had lived together for about a year. Only about two months into school he proposed. We married the summer after I finished second year just after I took my first step of my board exams (note to fellow med students: I do not recommend trying to plan a wedding and take a very stressful board exam at the same time). I didn't even think twice about getting married while in med school. My husband has been my biggest supporter and always encouraging me, so of course getting married just seemed right.

The fact that my husband was also in grad school at the time and experiencing the same trials and tribulations as me, helped us grow closer and lean on each other for support. We'd both come home after a long day of classes, buckle down and study, then head to bed only to do it all over again the next day. And the one thing we agreed upon was that we'd have a little "us" time on the weekends (unless there was a huge test coming up the next week, in which case we'd spend a bit more time studying). I think that's why so many people in my school ended up dating and later getting engaged or married. Having someone who can share in your experience during such a stressful period definitely makes you feel like you're not alone.

I never could have foreseen where I'd be now when I first started school. Who'd have thought that in the last four years I'd have gotten married and had a baby all while making it through med school? And I can't help but wonder if I wasn't a wife and a mom, would I still be choosing to be a family practitioner? Or would I have picked a field that was more demanding of my time and more competitive? I guess it doesn't really matter because the point is, that I'm happy where I'm at today. More than happy actually, I'm ecstatic! I am so blessed with an amazing family, and I'm about to start a career as a doctor doing something I'm so proud of and truly enjoy doing. It's funny how life just kind of leads you where you never knew you were meant to be.

An Ode to the Working Mom

Today I've officially gained a new appreciation for the working mother. I also have much admiration for the stay-at-home mom, but they are lucky enough not to have to experience the emotional turmoil that goes along with being away from your kid all day. It's a tough thing to balance, being a mom and having a career. On one hand you want to work and earn money for your family, but on the other hand you have this overwhelming "mommy guilt". It's heartbreaking only getting to spend a few hours with your child when you come home. 

Today I got up at six am. Showered and got dressed. Packed my lunch. Made coffee, which the sound of the coffee grinder woke up Killian. Made breakfast (if you call a blueberry bagel an appropriate breakfast). Kissed my husband and my child. Then I ran out the door, with my now cold blueberry bagel in hand. I drove an hour to work. Saw back to back patients all day until 6:30. Drove an hour home.

So it's 7:30 pm and I finally get to see my little man. By now it's late and he's getting tired. So all I really have time to do is give him a bath, put his pj's on, brush his teeth, give him his milk, and read him a bedtime story. Usually I just put him right in his crib after story time's over, but I snuggled him for a few minutes longer because I just missed him so much. 

I spent 10 hours taking care of other people today and only about one and a half hours taking care of my little boy. I can't help but feel like I'm lacking in the mommy department. I don't know how all the working moms out there do it. I guess what helps me is that I love what I do. I'm proud of my work. I enjoy my work. Not everyone can say that. A lot of people don't like their jobs and just do it for the money. I want to be a doctor because I get a sense of accomplishment and satisfaction knowing that I'm helping other people. 

I can't forget to give credit to the working dads out there too, particularly my wonderful husband. He watches Killian during the day and then works in the evening a couple days a week and on the weekends. I'm so grateful to have married a man who is such a good father and works so hard to to take care of our son and works to support our family. Right now with both of our busy schedules, I'm surprised we've even managed to make it work.

Let's face it, being a parent is hard. You want so badly to do what's best for your child, and I think that for every family it's different. For us, it's working to support our family. Then the time that we do have together, we just have to make the most of it. It's not how much time you have, it's what you do with your time. I just have to keep reminding myself of that those days that I feel overcome with mommy guilt. And for all you working moms out there, thank you for being an inspiration to me.