The Day Before I Become a Doctor

You may think that even though I've finished all my required credits, fulfilled all my hours of rotations, passed my boards, and signed a sweet residency contract that I'm pretty much already considered a "doctor". Well, not quite. Tomorrow's my graduation day and as far as I'm concerned, I won't officially be Dr. Boylan until I walk across that stage. 

It has been a whirlwind of a week, coming back up to campus for all the graduation week events. Dinners with the class, meetings with the Dean, a big fat envelope from financial aid telling me I basically owe a gazillion dollars..... And finally my family will all be arriving this evening. I am overwhelmed with emotion and excitement. Even just sitting in Panera right now writing this post, I'm looking around thinking, "Here I am just an ordinary woman, but in 24 hours I'll be a doctor."

Anyways, I have lots to go do (like enjoy this gorgeous weather we're having up in Maine). I just want to thank all my friends and family in advance who are taking time out of their busy schedules to come celebrate this exciting event with me. I love you guys!

My last time on campus as a medical student.

Wordless Wednesday: Five Years of Becoming a Doctor

So I'm packing to head up to school for graduation week. With all this nostalgia floating around my head, I thought what better than to just post some of my favorite pics from throughout my five years of medical school. Enjoy!

Happy as a clam at my white coat ceremony first year!

My proud family. Little did they know how rough the next five years would be!

Making Strides Against Breast Cancer walk 2007

AMA conference in Hawaii 2007

Medical Spelling Bee! 

Me and the bestie at the Spelling Bee!

Winners of Osteostache 2009

Me and Ken after I did his hair for Osteostache!

Judging the Osteostache competition and showing off the prizes!

Portland Seadogs game spring 2009! 

Bacteriology review. I was Mycoplasma. 

Mycoplasma Pneumonia

Got our numbers for "the lottery"... to find out where we go third year.

Two of my favorite med school pals at my wedding summer after second year.

The wonderful third year crew at Lakes Region Hospital.

Last but not least, my last day as a medical student!

Graduation pics to come :)

Mom's the Word!

I woke up this morning to the voice of my little boy saying "Ma! Ma!" as him and my husband were plotting to come wake me up with a cup of coffee, flowers made of tissue paper, and red velvet cupcakes spelling out "Happy Mother's Day". It was just what I needed! It'll be my second year as a mom, and even though in some ways it's gotten a lot tougher (battling a soon-to-be two year old), it certainly keeps getting better. Especially when you get to have coffee and a cupcake for breakfast just because you're a mom!

Me with Killian at 1 month old.

I was looking back through my photos of when Killian was first born. And even though it really wasn't that long ago, I feel like so much has happened in the past 22 months that it's hard to remember what it was like when he was first born. Of course I could never forget waking up at five in the morning and with steady contractions, the fourteen hours of labor, or the two and a half hours of pushing. Then staying up till two in the morning just staring at this brand new beautiful little baby boy. I remember the instant feeling of complete unconditional love and joy that I had him. And I knew my world was forever changed.

My handsome little man today.

Now almost two years later.... we have a walking, talking, very persistent, super silly, and amazing loving little boy. I just can't believe how much has happened between now and then. Being a mom has been the best and hardest thing of my life. Each day you are responsible for teaching your child how to behave, how to act, how to talk, how to not do things that will injure himself. It's exhausting! But dispersed through all that responsibility of trying not to mess up your kid, are moments of sweet perfection. Like when he climbs up on your lap and settles into your chest and you become intoxicated by the smell of his hair. Or when he comes up to you and puckers his lips, wanting a kiss just because.

My mom with Killian when he was born.

And what Mother's Day wouldn't be complete without paying homage to my own mom. She has always done so much for me and never expected anything in return. Not only has she been a great mom to me, but a fantastic grandmother to my child. She has been one of my greatest cheerleaders in life, even when she had to drive me to cheerleading practices and competitions when I was younger, or make a cake at the last minute for me to bring to school (because I forget to tell her I volunteered to do so), or bring me to a hypnotist so I could get over my fear of doing a back handspring in gymnastics (which never did work).

Looking back on all my mom's done for me, I can tell that I will certainly have my plate full in the coming years with Killian. Everyone says that being a mom is a selfless job, but the reward of getting to see your child grow and turn into the person they're born to be is priceless. I can't wait to bring Killian to hockey practices or stay up late helping him with his science fair project (which will win first place) or help him pick out an outfit for his first school dance. So much to look forward to. I love being a mom and all that it brings.

So on this Mother's Day I am very thankful for having grown up with such a caring and loving mom who would literally do anything for me. And I'm also grateful not just because I got to eat a cupcake for breakfast, but because 22 months ago I got the greatest gift of all when I became a mom. So happy Mother's Day to me and Happy Mother's day to all my friends and family who are moms. You have all been an inspiration to me in one way or the other.

Happy 1 Year Bloggerversary to Me!

It's hard to believe that it's already been a year since I first started my blog. I honestly thought in the beginning that it'd be something that fizzled out quite quickly over time, especially being so busy with medical school, being a wife, taking care of my little boy.... but surprisingly I've kept up with it. Sure, I could have written a bit more here and there, but over 70 posts in a year is impressive for a first time blogger!

I always told myself that if I ever thought this was a chore or a task to get done then I wouldn't do it anymore. I wanted my blog to always be something that was therapeutic and fun for me, so if I ever felt like it was something I "had" to do then it just wouldn't work. Thankfully writing this blog is still quite enjoyable for me and hopefully just as enjoyable for those reading it.

It's typically on your birthday that you reflect back on the year that passed, but today I've actually put more thought into it than on my birthday. I think it's because looking back through my posts over the past year, I can see how far I've come. I can honestly say that I'm a different person... I've grown to be more confident in myself and not worry so much about what others think of me. And by writing my thoughts and feelings and putting them out to the online world, I've become more vulnerable but strangely comfortable with it.

I was away over the weekend for a women's physician mentoring weekend in Maine and one of the things we did during dinner was go around the room saying one thing we're grateful for, something we're good at, and something we're struggling with. I thought it was a great way of gauging where I'm at today and reflecting on my future. So with that said, I'm grateful that in just a few short weeks, after five longs years of hard work, I'll finally be graduating medical school. I'll be starting my dream job as a family practice doctor, which something I absolutely love to do (and not a lot of people can say that they love their job).

What I think I've been good at is being able to balance my life as a medical student, a wife, and a mom. The key for me has been to always recognize that being a doctor is my career, but my family and my friends are my life. And it's the people who surround me who give me strength and support, and truly help define the person I am today. Without them I couldn't be the doctor I will soon be and for them I am forever grateful.

And finally, something I struggle with is trying to not always beat myself up, especially over the small things. I always feel like I'm never doing enough as a medical student or a mom or a wife. After all, we are all our own harshest critics. But in all seriousness, I need to let go sometimes and just be happy with myself. Whether it's regarding my parenting skills, my physical appearance, or my ability as a future physician. There's always room for improvement, but no need to bash yourself along the way.

So to wrap things up, I'd like to thank all those who have been following along in my journey. I truly appreciate every single person who has taken the time to read my words and those who've left some great comments. Even if just one person was getting something positive from my blog, then it's all worth it. Please stick around to read about my journey through residency and balancing being a doctor and a mom.

So Long Crib, Hello Toddler Bed

After my little guy (and my husband) recovered from the plague that was Hand, Foot, & Mouth disease, we thought we were getting back on track. Killian was happy and playing like his usual self. He went back to sleeping in his crib after spending a few nights on the air mattress watching Mickey Mouse Clubhouse nonstop. Everything seemed to be back to normal.... then something switched.

It was as if a demon had possessed my child. He went from the boy who I used to brag about how good his sleeping habits were to a full blown insomniac. Every time we put him in his crib this week for a nap or for bed he'd scream bloody murder. And I'm not one to just give in easily, so I let him cry. Sure enough, though, he had a bit more stamina that I did because 20 minutes later he was still at it. Then I'd go in and give him a binky and lay him back down, only for him to get right back up and at it again. It was like this for up to two hours one night.

So I did what any other mom would do when they were at their wits end. I googled. I thought maybe he developed some sudden phobia of his crib, whether it was from when he was sick and in pain, or some weird thing he heard or saw one night. Who knows, but when I googled it I found out that it really isn't that rare. Especially at this age. From about a year and a half to two years old kids start developing fears and phobias. What makes it worse is that they can't reason their way out of the fear, especially since you can't explain to them that the shadow they saw on the wall isn't a monster or that they won't really get sucked down the tub drain.

He also very well could be going through a phase, but this is one phase I wasn't going to be able to put up with long seeing as we already went through a week of not sleeping when he was sick. So I found some really great advice on my google search, and it seemed the best thing to do was eliminate what was making him freak out: his crib. So last night we converted his crib to a toddler bed, and tried to make it as comfy and inviting as possible. Then we made a huge deal about how awesome his big boy bed is and had a little party in his room to celebrate.

We went through his normal bedtime routine: Tubby, pjs, milk, story time.... lots of story time. Then we tucked him in and left him like we would in his crib, but he was having none of that. So I brought him back to his bed and sat on the floor next to him and exactly four minutes later he was out like a light. My husband and I went to bed with much anxiety just waiting to see when he'd wake up and freak out running into our room. He did get up once at one in the morning, but we just walked him back to his bed and he went right back to sleep. The best part was when he woke up in the morning, he just waltzed right in our room and hopped on our bed.

I was more nervous about nap time today, but we did the same routine of milk, story time, and sitting with him for a few minutes before he fell asleep (as evidenced by the picture below). It's been almost two and a half glorious hours of nap time so far, which is much improved from no nap time yesterday. And I finally got a little time to myself to just breathe.

Another milestone accomplished, another crisis averted (for now). Man, being a mom is rough. Just when you think you've got things down, a curveball gets thrown at ya. Just one of the joys of being a parent.

For those who are contemplating it, here's a great article on how and when to transition your child from a crib to a toddler bed: Tackling the Toddler Crib-to-Bed Transition. Good luck and God's speed.